Me, myself and I.

I’m annoyed. At myself. I never learn. This time last year it was the same.

Last year I met a guy who was 7 years older. He liked me, I liked him. Problem? I don’t think so. Age in my eyes, is only ever a number. 

We went on a date and got on like a house on fire. Then, one evening he just cut everything and said he couldn’t get over the age gap. Excuses like, we were at two different life stages and we want different things came flooding in. I didn’t get a say and he wasn’t willing to try.

Then fast forward a year, I had an itch to scratch. I had to text him. So I took the bull by the horns. We went for a few drinks and everything was so easy flowing. He made the first moved, held my hand and kissed me.

The second date came around and everything went smoothly. Then, rewind to the age gap. It still bothers him, and it bothers him that it doesn’t matter to me. No matter what I said it wouldn’t change his mind.

Maybe I shouldn’t have texted him. I was willing to give it a shit. I was hoping things would be different. I haven’t liked someone, the way I do him, in a long time. I want to give it a go. See where things went. Say, we tried and it didn’t work, and not, what if.

Yes I may want a relationship, but I haven’t had anyone close to me in such a long time. Someone just to cuddle or vent with or just sit and do nothing. I’m sick of waiting and sick of people saying ‘Oh your still single?’

I look round my friends who are all seeing someone or in couples and wonder what’s wrong with me. Yes, I know there’s actually nothing wrong with me but it would be nice to have a person who wants me.

Men need to be loved, women need to be wanted
– Gemma Teller, SOA.

Dympna x

The Emerald Isle

Our little island is so beautiful. This weekend my friend and I took a little day trip. It being the bank holiday weekend and us being mature 23 yr olds, we decided to go on a road trip and not go out on the town like the rest of our age group.

It brought us through so many different counties but eventually we ended up at the Giants Causeway. We had both been talking about going some day and that day had come.

It was amazing! You could see why it is a UNESCO world heritage site. It is so much more than just a pile of rocks! It’s amazing how magical nature is and what thousand of years of cooling and shrinking lava turns into.

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Giant's Causeway

15 minutes over the road is the Carrick-a-rede Rope Bridge. It’s a simple rope bridge suspended 100ft above the water joining the mainland with the island. An island that gives you magnificent views of the Antrim coast and of Scotland across the water! The bridge is not for the faint hearted though as it swings a bit and only has a bit of tinder plank as the walkway.

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Carrick-a-rede rope bridge

On the island itself, there is a little fisherman’s hut and a boat that’s tucked into the cliff face. The view back towards the mainland and into the see are unrivalled to anything seen before.

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One thing we have promised ourselves to do is to get out and see more of Ireland. It is our home country and we should treasure it.

Dympna x

What might have been

Ever wondered what might have been? What might have happened? What path you would have chose? I have.

I was driving back to Dublin today after being home for the weekend. When I drive, I get a lot out of my system. It’s my me time, my think tank. I wonder about the 5 W’s; who what where when why. They have been the starts to so many questions I ask myself, questions I’m able to answer. But when I was driving back today, a couple of questions I can’t answer and never will be able to popped into my head. Where would I be if he hadn’t died?

My father passed away when I was 14. I was his little girl. He was always wrapped around my little finger even though I had 2 sister’s; one older, one younger. Even when my baby brother came along I was still the apple of his eye. Since then I haven’t been able to say the word Daddy, because it’s what I used to call him. It’s like a foreign word that makes me uncomfortable.

What path would I have chosen? What would I be doing right now? Would I still be a tourism graduate or would my interest in the farm have grown?

It’s really put me in a mood that I don’t have a name for. I don’t want to talk to people, just find the answer even though I never will. I just want to drive and drive fast until I run out of road. Ever felt like that?

These are questions I’ll never be able to answer but I’d still like to know. Then again I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side.

Dympna x

The New Me

When I was younger, I used to be really fit. I danced, played gaelic football and soccer. Then I went to college. When people talk about the freshman 15 it’s real but it’s not just freshman year, it’s every year. I tried to keep active but the college/party lifestyle totally took me over. I tried the gym but then I would eat and drink whatever I wanted. Needless to say I didn’t last too long.

But this year has been different. I finished college and decided when I moved back to Dublin, that I would join the gym and lose weight for graduation. I basically wanted to look hot for graduation. I wanted to look good for me but I also wanted to show people, mainly family members who called me fat or a pig or would whisper behind my back saying I’d put on weight that I wasn’t fat.

When I did decided I was joining the gym, my gym instructor gave me a programme to follow and stick by. I asked him to advise me on what I should be eating, mostly chicken and vegetables. I stuck with it as best I could cutting out all treats, fizzy drinks, chocolate, takeaways etc. only allowing myself them maybe once a week. It was so hard. But I did it. I learned how to say no. Buying fruit instead of biscuits had become second nature.

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I could feel the weight falling off me, and friends starting complementing me on how well I was doing. I was starting to see it in my clothes. I went home one weekend and put on a few old dresses that hadn’t fit me in years and they fit me! I was over the moon. The day of graduation, I not only looked great, I felt amazing. I had achieved my goal. Everyone was complimenting me. My friend’s mam, who had seen me three months previous couldn’t get over my transformation. I was on cloud nine.

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(Me at graduation/three months previous)

Three months in I got reassessed for a new programme. My goal has changed. It’s not just about weight loss now, I want to look lean. We added boxing and skipping in now for my cardio instead of the treadmill and the rowing machine, although I will run when I first go in because I’ve grown to like the treadmill, and lifting more weights. I haven’t been as good with this new programme with my eating but I still don’t eat as much sugary treats as I used to.

Going to gym has become a necessity, I feel bad if I don’t go. It’s not just for the weight loss and getting fit, it has become a social point for me as I work a lot. The one thing I regret is, not taking a before picture so I can compare the change. I am thrilled with myself purely for sticking with the gym and the eating. I’m overjoyed I started six months ago. I went shopping the other day and really treated myself to loads of new clothes. It was the first time I bought clothes since I started. It was amazing to be buying a size smaller!

The next challenge is not over indulging while I’m at home for Christmas.

Dympna xo

Seeds of doubt

This week I was struck with a bout of food poisoning. The night I came down with it I went out with a friend for a few drinks. But as soon as I went to bed I knew something was wrong. I was back and forth to the bathroom every couple of minutes. When I went into work the next day I was at the same too-ing and fro-ing. Long story short, I ended up at the doctors who confirmed I had food poisoning.

I work alongside my friend and we both decided where work ends and friends begin to keep our friendship. We know were the lines are. But here’s the thing: he’s on holidays for 2 weeks. He texted me last night questioning my sickness because my manager in work was talking to him about me being off and I sent a snap chat where I looked healthy. When I asked what he was getting at, he blatantly said that food poisoning normally leaves you in hospital and that I didn’t look sick.

Where is it his business if I am sick or not? It’s not his place. If a doctor says I’m unfit to work due to food poisoning I’m going to listen to her because it’s her job to know, not his. I couldn’t believe how rude he was and how unfair he was for asking me.

After him texting me last night, I feel that the managers don’t believe me that I was sick and that really annoys me. I only ever say I’m sick if I’m actually getting sick. I feel like I need to show them my last 36 hrs in order for them to accept my sick note.

I feel let down and hurt by my friend. If the tables where turned I wouldn’t have questioned him.

Dympna xo

Heartache

It’s been a long time since I have really liked and fallen for someone. And this time I fell hard.

I started seeing him at the beginning of the summer and it would be fair to say that I immediately knew I liked him. Even though, I promised myself it would not get serious since I worked with him, I could see us going somewhere.

We spent the summer together just hanging out and tricking about. The day he told me he was going to Canada for two years, was like a kick in the stomach. I shared so much with him; stuff I barley share with the closest of my friends. We had some really deep heart to hearts and I feel like I’m loosing someone very special. I never realised that we would share such intimate details from our lives with each other.

It’s been a month since we have last seen each other properly and now it’s the week before he finishes work; two weeks before he flies to Canada. Instead of it getting easier, it’s still as hard not to have him beside me in bed or texting me. It’s the little things that I miss. Like the way we teased each other saying ‘that’s cute’ when we both don’t like it or when he’d come in from work and automatically bring a capri sun and a bar from the fridge into the room with him for us to share while watching telly. It’s the chat’s and how I felt around him that I miss. I have never felt as comfortable in my own body as I did while I was with him.

Those couple of months where the best I’ve had in a few months. I wish he wasn’t going to Canada. I know these final few days in work with him are going to be tough but I am hoping that once he leave’s it will get easier since I’m not waiting to see him every day. I’ll miss seeing him, I’ll miss his presence. I’ll just miss him.

When I saw you I fell in love and you smiled because you knew – William Shakespeare

Katie Hopkins and The Late Late Show

I agree with what Katie has said and she has a very good point on obesity. She went about it in the wrong manner and should have used her English vocabulary better but she called a spade a spade. Nobody likes hearing the truth when it hurts. There were a lot of things I don’t agree with in what she said like calling your children fat or eat less, move more. People should be eating cleaner not less and moving more.

I don’t want to have to pay someone’s medical bills when they could have changed their situation with a few easy steps like having fruit instead of sweets and going for a walk a few times a week. I pointed out earlier that I understand some weight issues are due to medical conditions, but when the medical issues are due to weight issues that’s when the problem appears. I don’t want me or anyone else lying in hospital trolley’s waiting on a bed that an overweight person is taking up due to their decisions on their lifestyle.

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I saw on Twitter one person saying that Hopkins will hire a personal trainer to help her get the weight off. If she does that’s not the example I would hope she is trying to set. But for those who think you need a gym or a personal trainer to get healthy your wrong. I’m no expert but eating cleaner and getting out for a walk 3 times a week can work wonders. The internet is full of workout plans to help you along the way with a little bit of determination and will power.

Tonight a lady that was 26 stone got clapped every time she spoke, but why? Well done for coming on and speaking your point when you were spoken to so rudely by Hopkins but the audience’s denial around obesity is astonishing.

Will you clap when you can’t get a medical card but the obese person can because of their health issues that are due to their weight? Will you clap when the flight attendant has to give you an extension seat belt? Will you clap when you’re burying your child because of their obesity?

Some people have weight issues and fair enough they can’t be helped but for the rest of our country what’s your excuse? Take a good look around and face the hard hitting facts.  It’s easy once you have the motivation and the willingness to become healthier.

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I say this to myself a lot and most of the time it’s pure boredom.